I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
