Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Randomize
