I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My cat gives me a boner
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
