Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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