What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
