Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
