i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
