I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Found the puke drawer
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
