I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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