I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
