so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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