are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
