I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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