week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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