do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
