She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
