Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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