I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
