my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
