Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
