He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
