Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
