his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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