you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
