Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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