Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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