I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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