weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
