her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
