What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
