Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I can text with my tongue
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
