We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
