Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
