Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
