no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
