So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
