question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
