You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
