hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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