I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
