I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
