I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
