I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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