would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
