You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
