the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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