we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
