Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
