It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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