We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
